Myths About Single Parenting

Becoming a single mom when my daughter was barely turning one, and now almost three years later, there are things I wish I could tell my younger self. Sometimes becoming a single parent is a choice you decided to make and sometimes there is no choice, you're stuck with it. Either way, there are certain things that can help you thrive instead of survive. So, to many single parents, here's a helpful letter to my younger self and a few myths you should know:

You Should Never Accept Help.
The "I can do it all by myself" attitude is useless. It's truly a myth that you should do it all alone. Some people are bums and some people never got the independent attitude to begin with and this is not what I'm encouraging. There has to be a middle ground. From the time I became a single mom I've worked 40 (sometimes plus) hours a week to provide, and I thought that gave me the right to turn down any sort of help my friends and family offered. YOU need help whether you realize it or not. It's unrealistic to think that you can do this all by yourself (mentally, physically, and financially). Sometimes it's eating dinner at my parent's house after a long day of work because I'm too exhausted to cook something up for my daughter and myself at my own house. Sometimes it's a friend coming over to occupy my daughter so I can avoid a mental breakdown. More often than not, the best help comes in forms other than monetary. Accepting help is not the same as asking for it... and it's okay to accept it.

You Should Never Have "Me" Time.
Myth, myth, myth. Although it does rarely happen, it is A-OKAY to have some alone time and you SHOULD create "me" time. Whether it be a day when you're off work and your son/daughter is at school, or a night when the grandparents have them over, or even a night when the other parent has them, it's okay to ENJOY it. Heck, I create my own alone time on Sundays while my daughter takes a nap. Sometimes I use it wisely and catch up on cleaning and sometimes I don't and I catch up on Netlix or nap with her. Dear younger self, please don't completely exhaust yourself and think you are doing yourself any favors.  Take a bubble bath after she's asleep, enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning before she wakes up. On a night that she's staying somewhere else, go to Hobby Lobby and spend as much time in the decor isle as you want without having to say, "Put that down! Don't touch!". Turn on your favorite Pandora station (Shania Twain Radio all the way) as loud as you want and rearrange all the furniture. Go out with your girlfriends and actually fix your hair for once. Missing her when she isn't around will happen and is inevitable, but don't sit and dwell on it. Stay busy, enjoy yourself, renew yourself. A stressed momma = a stressed little one.

It Will Just All Come Natural
This may not be one you want to hear, but I'm not one to beat around the bushes. As a single parent, there will be situations, lots and lots of situations, where its just you and the little one. She will do things that you are SO not prepared for and your mom never warned you about and it's all up to you to respond. Like the first time she is taking a shower with you and gets curious about your body... ummmm, awkwarrdddddd. The sooner you realize that you won't always have the right answers and you won't always say the right things, the better. Knowing the difference between a hungry cry and a sad cry comes naturally. Knowing the answer to "why is always just you and me" does not. Do the best you can.

At the end of the day, you get to share your home with someone who thinks you hung the moon. No matter how many wrong things you did that day, you get to come home to the one thing you did right. It's the most challenging thing you will ever do in your life and you're going to work twice as hard as your married friends and single friends to provide a steady income, but it's as rewarding as anything you've ever done. Sometimes she will adore you, sometimes she will tell you "you aren't my best friend anymore". Some weeks you will have to eat Spaghetti O's and Ramen noodles and some weeks you'll be able to fix a four course meal. She won't know the difference but she will notice that regardless, you're the one feeding her. It's a myth that it will be easy. It's a myth that at the end of the day you will never have a breakdown. BUT the biggest myth is that you have to be perfect and have it all figured out. Although by definition you're doing it "alone", you have the One who created the stars by your side. 

-Caroline