God Bless This Hot Mess

I know it is a little early for New Years resolutions, but I'm trying to implement mine now instead of on a certain date to make sure that they become true habits. One of my resolutions is to have a better prayer life. I do pray, and I think it is a very important part of my relationship with God. That being said, I'm probably not the best at it. I hate admitting this to the public, but hey, we're all human. Hopefully this will help some of you as well. I'm going to tell you a few problems I come across trying to bring my prayer life into my actual daily life.

Sometimes I don't know what to say.

He already knows everything. At least that's what I think sometimes before I pray. Really it's an excuse to do something else and not feel guilty about skipping my prayer. Why would I need to discuss my issues with God if he already knows what is going on and how everything is going to end up. That's when I reread this quote: "Praying doesn't change God, it changes me" by C.S. Lewis. Of course God knows what has happened and what will happen, but you still need to be in constant communication with him in order to stay on the path he laid out for you. If you have offended a friend or family member wouldn't you call and discuss it even though you knew years down the road it wouldn't matter? The same goes with God.

When life is good, I forget to pray. When issues arise I feel guilty that only then do I remember.

That's exactly what happens. When everything is going wonderful I forget to be thankful, and when things go bad the first thing I do is pray. This is a habit I intend to break by getting a notebook and writing down 5 things I am thankful for each day. I hope to include those in my prayers, and let them serve as a daily reminder that things are good today because of God. I want to thank him for the good days instead of just asking for help on the bad days.

I fall asleep during nightly prayers.

Some mornings I wake up and realize all I said before falling asleep was "Dear Lord..." Instead of stopping right there in the morning and finishing my prayer I am usually rushed for time and jump out of bed and get ready for the day instead. I am very aware that laying in a nice warm bed is probably not the best place to pray at night because it is so easy to drift off in the middle of your thoughts. In reality, I should be giving God more than the last few minutes I have left in my day. He has given me so much more than that after all. I intend to start praying at the side of my bed before I get in it. I don't think I could fall asleep in that position, and if I did then God knows I was truly exhausted that night. I'm not saying I won't forget or still slip up, but I'm saying my focus and outlook on prayer needs to be brought to the top of my priority list.

I'm not going to beat myself up. I understand my prayer life may never be as strong as some other peoples, and that's okay. I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to be the strongest prayer warrior in the world. What I need is to be a rock for my friends and my family by lifting them up. I need to be more grateful to my God for all he has blessed me with. I need to regain that connection with my creator that I use to so deeply crave. I need to be me. I only need be the person God made, and try my best every day to remember to keep him first. This is one of my resolutions.



-Kayla